sure i guess sex is okay but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper
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whoever murders me best not be caught bc im aiming to be featured on buzzfeed unsolved
I love how this implies that op’s murder is inevitable. There is a lot of chaotic energy here.
if you met me you would know it’s inevitable
Tracking Service, as helpfully as possible: Your order is out for delivery! It should arrive by 8 PM today!
Me, sitting by the door at 8:12 AM: pakige
Reblog for a miracle to happen tonight
BITCH I REBLOGGED THIS AT 4AM AND SOME FIT GUY FROM MY HOMETOWN SLID INTO MY DMS at 11PM LIKE GIRL HONESTLY iM
Can the miracle be that I actually fall asleep at a reasonable time
I’m starting to feel like that miracle is falling into a deep sleep and actually waking up rested. Bless this post.
A miracle?
I don’t care how big or small I want one
I would like and could use a small miracle
MY MIRACLE WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND YEAH IT WAS TONIGHT INSTEAD OF LAST NIGHT BUT STILL
IT WORKED, PLEASE DO THIS YOU LITERLALLY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE
me after finishing a movie: wow that was rly good!! im amazed
movie critics: trashiest movie ever created; possibly the worst movie of the year; complete disgrace
alternatively
movie critics: best movie of the year. revolutionary. it’s a cinematic masterpiece
me: what the actual fuck did I just watch
At my funeral, I’m gonna hire somebody with a scar to look over my body and audibly whisper “I should’ve been the one to finally take you out.”
Alternatively, they could also whisper “They won’t get away with this. I’m gonna finish what you started, old friend.”
They’ll have instructions to read the room and choose which they deem best fit